


In the Absence of Time

by msladybug019



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 17:05:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6160549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msladybug019/pseuds/msladybug019
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything seemed to slow down. The lingering haziness, like time ran slower around him and he could barely feel the pain anymore.</p><p>A dreadful realization hit him and he could feel his blood run cold. </p><p>“Taozi, what did you do?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Absence of Time

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry. this fic is short and jumpy and patchy and felt totally rushed because it is. there are a lot of grammar mistakes, i don't have enough will power to check through again. enjoy. don't read into it too much. just a fun little fic.

Warmth was the first that come back to Yixing as he slowly felt his senses coming back to him. He was cold, for the time that felt too long he felt cold. But warmth gradually replaced the ice in his veins. It gets easier to breath, and then he could hear voices. Whispers in the dark.

 

The first thing he sees is a pair of glistening orbs. Foreign yet so familiar. Familiar, because this same pair of eyes he has seen everyday growing up. Foreign, because the owner of those orbs shouldn’t be crying, not with him there to shoo away all the scary things. 

 

 

_Nothing will hurt you as long as I am here._

 

“Yixing-“ His name came out in choked sobs. Only then Yixing realized the pair of hands cupping his cheeks. He was lying on somebody’s lap. Warmth. He felt warm and fuzzy and sleepy. His mind is hazy and dull, like he could fall asleep any second, but he would recognize that voice anywhere, in any situation.

 

Zitao. His _baby_ , why is he crying? 

 

“Taozi,” 

 

It was bright around them. He had to squint and he could not see anything else but Zitao’s face.

 

“Are you okay?” Yixing asked, his voice hoarse from disuse. He brought his hand to Tao’s cheeks, trying to wipe away his tears. 

 

Zitao let out a strangled laugh, a small smile on his lips: pale and chapped. _Why?_

“I should be asking you that question,” And that short answer seems to make Zitao out of breath.

 

Yixing slowly run his thumb under Tao’s eyes, wiping his wet cheek. His _cold_  wet cheek. _Why?_

“Taozi,” He slowly sat down- slightly wincing at his sore muscles- and he took Tao’s hand in his and ice-cold hands greeted his skin. Fear run cold inside him: warmth only a lingering trail. 

 

Something’s wrong.

 

“Why are you so cold?” He asked the boy now that they were sitting face-to-face. 

 

Only now that he could _really_  see the state that the boy was in. And he didn’t like what he sees.

 

Zitao was pale, sickly pale. His eyes no longer sparkle; they almost looked dull. Yixing ran his hands through Tao’s face, arms, neck and shudders at how cold they felt on his fingertips. _Is Minseok playing with them?_

But then he looked around and sees nothing but endless light stretching as far as he can see and there was a _tree_. They were sitting underneath a tree that seemed to glow; its trunk was white and its leaves looked as if they were made of glass in all colors. Beautiful as it is, he couldn’t even give it a spare thought. _Where are the others?_

“It’s okay, ge,” Tao brought his attention back to the boy, though his hands never left the younger. 

 

He was brought into a hug. _But Zitao is so-_

“Why are you so cold?” He repeated, whispered on the other’s ear. “Are you hurt? Where does it hurt? Let me fix it,"

 

He coaxed the boy as he used to do as kids. 

 

Yixing could feel Zitao smile in his embrace.

 

“You are always so selfless. Every time I need you, you were there. You take care of us. Of _me_ ,” It was no more than a whisper near his ear, and for some reason Yixing tightened his hold on his brother. He could vaguely feel the light surrounding them dissipating.

 

Right then and there, it hit him.

 

Everything seems to come back all at once. His hazy mind cleared out and it all flooded him in a wave of memories. The attack at dawn, the fights-endless and bloody- brought them to their knees, their _dead_ teachers, _death all around them_ , hundreds of bodies rolling down the hill, pain, pain- _pain like he never felt before_ , he must’ve passed out because he did not remember anything else, but-

 

Everything seemed to slow down. The lingering haziness, like _time_ ran slower around him and he could barely feel the pain anymore.

 

A dreadful realization hit him and he could feel his blood run cold.

 

“ _Taozi, what did you do?"_

 

A thousand things ran through his mind at the same time, and he had all these possibilities conjured up yet none provide the outcome he desired.

 

“I’m sorry, ge,” A fleeting whisper, then Zitao was a deadweight in his arms.

 

 

X                      x                      X

 

 

The light around them disappeared completely, revealing the night sky and 10 worried faces that seemed frozen in time for a second, before the sound came back the same way his memory did; abrupt and all at once.

 

“Zitao, no!"

 

“Stop it!"

 

“He wouldn’t want it-"

 

“Tao, _please_ ,"

 

They all stopped at the sight upon them. Eyes wide and fearful.

 

Collective gasps. He didn’t even try to look. His mind still stuck on one question left unanswered.

 

_Why isn’t he breathing? What did he do?_

 

“Yixing…?” He could hear his name whispered out of Junmyeon’s mouth. “Oh, God. No. _Zitao_ ,”

 

There is something wrong with the construction of that sentence. Yixing paid it no heed. His hands started to glow on Zitao’s back, only to die down as soon as it started.

 

Scuffling of feet getting closer. 

 

His hand glowed for the second time, and again it was gone.

 

_I could fix him. If there is something wrong, I could fix it. I always could._

Hands tried to pried Zitao away from him. He did not let them.

 

“No, wait!” He growled.

 

And tried again. And again.

 

_Why isn’t it working?_

 

“Yixing, _please_ ,” He could hear Yifan _begged_. Yifan never beg anyone for anything. _Why?_

“What’s wrong with him? _What did he do?_ ” Yixing was half-screaming. 

 

None of them dared to answer. He could hear sobs around him. Silence surrounded them. The moon was bright and light, yet it never looked as dull as it did that night. Humidity hung low on the air around them as it was a warm summer night, and yet the cold body in his arms got Yixing freezing to his bones. 

 

“Yixing-"

 

“TELL ME WHAT DID HE DO,” 

 

Ten boys jolted in shock; Yixing never screams at anything, at anyone. 

 

Everybody hesitates.

 

Because how did you tell Yixing that Zitao- the boy he had taken care of long before they were guardians, before they discovered about their power- how did you tell him that Zitao _died_  in his place?

 

Silence stretched for what felt like hours. It was Sehun that spoke for them.

 

“You almost died, Yixing. And we couldn’t do anything-“ Sehun took a deep breath, he looked on the verge of breaking down. “We looked and looked and we were desperate but then there was this _Tree of Life_ and its supposed to be able to heal you but we didn’t know where it is or how long would it take to find it so Zitao-"

 

Sehun choked on his own words, unable to continue.

“We needed time-,” Jongdae continued for Sehun as their youngest couldn’t seem to make any more coherent sound. The night wind blew slow and fevered around them, enclosing each in suffocating warmth.

 

Yixing felt numb. _No_.

 

He could feel himself went slack, no strength left to hold himself up and as his grip on Tao loosened, Junmyeon shakily pulled Zitao away from Yixing's hold and laid him on his own lap.

 

“Oh Taozi,” They could hear him whisper heartbrokenly quiet on the dead boy’s ear. If only he could hear another muffled ten.

 

“We needed time and Zitao gave _too_  much,” Jongdae sounded sorry as he finished. As if it was partly his fault. He wasn’t the only one feeling that way.

 

Yixing was in a daze.

 

 _For him_.

 

Zitao gave his time for _him_. He was supposed to be dead. Not Zita-

 

“I could fix him,” Yixing whispered as he put his hands on Tao’s still chest. Junmyeon just looked at him with sad eyes as he carded his hand through Tao’s hair.

 

“No, Yix-,” Yifan tried to remove his hands, but he was not going to let him. He was not the only one startled by his own action when he shoved Yifan away so violently that the other hit the tree trunk with an audible thud.

 

He didn’t even think to apologize as he worked all the power he got and focused it on Zitao.

 

He knew he should’ve anticipated how his light kept dying down but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Healing has been his comfort, his whole existence. Knowing that he could always safe his brothers from immediate danger had always been the things that kept him going through the tough training days. He would never let them suffer even for a second more when he knows he could heal them. 

 

He could heal Zitao.

 

He _needs_ to heal him. 

 

The soft glow coming out of his hand grew brighter only to flicker off.

 

_NO! What good are you if you cannot heal him?_

 

Again.

 

He could hear Junmyeon’s choked sobs. Or maybe it was his?

 

Again.

 

Somebody is trying to hold him back. He shoved them away.

 

_Again. Please-_

 

“Yixing, STOP! _You cannot heal the dead_!” Kyungsoo’s voice roared through the still night air. They could feel the earth beneath them rumble. And then Kyungsoo’s small arms wrapped around him. 

 

 _Dead_. Zitao is dead. 

 

And Yixing cannot do anything about it. 

 

He wanted to die.

 

He would rather be dead than having Zitao lay cold and stiff in Junmyeon’s embrace, all because of him.

 

“You shouldn’t have let him-,” He fell back into Kyungsoo’s arms, feeling it tightened around him. He knew the other needs comfort as much as he did. He also knew that nothing would comfort them. Not in a very long time.

 

“I’m sorry,"

 

“You should’ve just let me go. Why did you let him do this?”

 

Kyungsoo kept repeating apologies as Yixing wailed into the night.

 

“You should’ve just let me die,”

 

 

 

X                      x                      X

 

 

 

 

“Why didn’t you do anything?"

 

The tone of Chanyeol’s voice was vile and resentful. They look around to see whom the boy was talking to, but it was none of them. 

 

He was talking to the tree. Fires crackled dangerously on his hands.

 

In any other situation, they would find it funny. At that moment though, none could find even a trace of humor in them.

 

“You are supposed to be the _tree of life_! The source of these _cursed_ powers! You can bring him _back_!” He walked closer to the tree, fires growing on his palms.

 

“Hyung, stop. You’re not going to do any good burning down that damn tree!” Jongin pleaded as he approached the taller man.

 

“We spend _days_  of Tao’s time to get here and it doesn’t do anything. What good is the _fucking_ tree now?” Chanyeol’s hands were only inches from the tree.

 

“Chanyeol! We don’t know what will happen to us, to our _power_  if you destroy the tree! For all we know, we could lose them!” Baekhyun joined in. The fire on Chanyeol’s hand grew, moving viciously.

 

None of them dared getting any closer to Chanyeol’s fire.

 

“Well then so be it,”

 

The fire on his hands roared and formed a circle around the tree, burning it from the bottom.

 

Baekhyun turned to Luhan for some help, knowing the older could make Chanyeol stop his fire. Luhan just stared, though. He just stared at the burning tree with the same amount of resentment and hate in Chanyeol’s eyes as he held Sehun close.

 

“Minseok hyung-“ 

 

“Let it burn,” His voice does not leave room for discussion. “What good would a _damn_ tree do us."

 

Baekhyun let out a frustrated grunt before turning to Junmyeon, only to have the words he was going to utter stuck in his throat as his sight came upon him.

 

He just looked lost. He had this faraway look in his eyes, and he wasn’t even crying anymore but the face he made was so full of anguish Baekhyun could feel his emotions from a few meters away- and he’s not the empath of the group. Junmyeon’s right hand was still running to Zitao’s jet-black hair, while the other cupping his cheek and Baekhyun just realized how _dead_  his brother looked.

 

He almost laughed at the irony in his thought, because Zitao _is_  dead. But how could that be? He had always been so full of life- running around, chatting away, laughing along.

 

Never had Baekhyun felt emptier than that moment.

 

Tao is dead, and the rest of them felt quite the same too.

 

He stepped back and watched the tree burn.

 

 

 

X                      x                      X

 

 

White.

 

It was white: without a beginning nor an end. 

 

“What the-“ Jongin muttered as he looked around ten equally confused faces.

 

None of them had realized the change. One moment they were on the hill of the Tree of Life, burning down the horizon with it. A blink away and they were somewhere else.

 

Nowhere.

 

‘ _Raise your heads, Guardians,'_

Jongin blinked. The voice was all around, yet it was only in his head. 

 

“Who is that? Who’s talking?” Chanyeol turned, looking for answers. His voice echoed down the nothingness that surrounded them.

 

Somehow though, all of them knew.

 

‘ _I was what all of you are now. I am the force that guide. I kept the balance and order of this world, as you do, as your predecessors did’_

“What do you want from us?” Yifan demanded, no patience in his tone. He seemed to voice out all of their sentiments.

 

If only the situation was different, they all would laugh at the absurdity of it. Because the _tree_ they had burn seemed to be talking to them and they are talking back, to _nothing_. But there was no humor in their situation. So anger it is.

 

‘ _Never I wanted anything, but for the balance to be kept. The guardians exist for that purpose only and I see you have lost your ways. Had this situation continue, balance will cease to exist,'_

The nothingness surrounding them seems to only amplify the silence that follows.

 

“You expect us to go back to learning of keeping balance and order without our teachers _and_  Zitao?” Spat Yifan. “Why don’t you bring him back now and then we can _talk_?"

 

Silence.

 

‘ _Such a shame that the Guardian of Time had fallen. His death is indeed the reason that will be leading you astray. A tricky thing, time is. And I do not bring back the dead, child. Nor can I control time. One life cycle is needed for another Guardian of Time to be born. Until then, you will continue to learn. To serve the Force. To keep the balance.,'_

It felt like everything had stopped for a moment even when nothing really moved.

 

“What do you mean?” Sehun’s voice was small and quiet , hoarse from crying.

 

‘ _You will continue your life and lesson as it is after the War of Elements, as the firsts do: without guidance, through experience and with perseverance. The Guardian of Time’s existence will cease to exist from everything he had walked and touched upon, including your mind. Grief would only hinder the process of your growth, and the future of your duties,’_

The void around them distorted with images and voices.

 

A pair of eyes. Sad and beautiful. _I’m sorry, guys. But I have to do this._

A laugh. Clear and carefree. A smile. _We need to play like this more often._

A child cried, holding a dead butterfly. _I- I found it near the front door._

 

Broken glasses upon the grass. An angry shout. _I did not mean to!_

 

Zitao’s.

 

“No, _no_! What are you trying to do?” Junmyeon frantically tried to hold on to the body on his lap as it slowly dissolves into the white they were surrounded with.

 

_Someday, ge, I’ll take you to the sea. Then we could see how much more this world is than this hill we’ve been living at our whole life._

 

“ _Bastard!_ You cannot do this to us!"

 

 _I’m sorry I’m such a crybaby._ A sob _. But you’re hurting and so am I._

 

“You have _no_  right-"

 

 _Could we have a sleepover?_ A shy chuckle. A boy holding a worn out blanket. _The storm made it cold. It’s warmer together._

 

Their minds started to feel hazy. They could almost feel how every memory they had of Zitao disappears with his body.

 

“Stop this, _please!"_

 

_Teach me how to fly, ge!_

_“_ Memories are the only thing we have of him, _please_ ,"

 

Tears dripping. An open wound. _Ge! It hurts!_

 

They begged and begged yet the voice in their head never came back. 

 

A confident smirk. _Together, right? That’s what you always said._

 

Heavy. Their eyes were heavy. Their minds were not their own anymore.

 

_Stay with me tonight, please? The dark scared me._

 

“No, please…"

 

A distant laugh. _See? It’s okay! Everything’s alright._

 

A fading smile.

 

A pair of brown orbs full of mischief and so much warmth.

 

 

_See you later._

 

 

Nothing.


End file.
